Better than I Deserve

(Inspired by the song “How Deep the Father’s Love”)


We just stand there and watch.

Our feet are covered in the dirt and dust from the road that led us here,

the road that led Him here.


We followed Him, trailed Him like vermin. Can you imagine?

I saw a tear on His cheek.

I saw the sweat on His back, underneath the wood.

Blood dripped down His forehead, underneath the crown.


The sounds along the road were many:

sobbing women, a mother among them — I heard the heartache ooze out of her.

Jeering men, who didn’t know, who

threw their insults with odium

at this man, this man

whose body we are breaking.


And there was the sound of the cross

dragging in the dirt, inch

by inch.


Now, we watch them lay His body down

stretch out His arms, His feet.


One.   Two.




And then He’s hanging there,

so that we must look upward.

People around us fall to their knees,

others mock Him.

Is that my own voice I hear? Asking Him


that He come down

because He is God but He can’t.


He won’t.


I am holding Him there. I am

the nails in His body,

my sin presses Him against the cross

like crushing boulders and all I can do is scream at Him.


“Father,” He says, as His blood flows

from the cross and onto the ground,

“Forgive them.”


And now I am quiet.


My eyes meet His.


I fall to my knees, as it occurs to me,

this is love.

Let the earth be moved and

the temple be torn,

for this is love.


The sky is bruised with grief,

the earth moans in mourning,

yet there was no other choice.


This is love.


He pleads for my life,

though I hold Him there.


This is love.


This is love.

meghan endahl

Meghan is a creative soul who is raising her family in Michigan. You can find Meghan behind a camera, typing beautiful words at a computer, or soaking in the beauty that is the presence of the Holy Spirit all around her. Meghan is no stranger to the By Design community, having been published numerous times on both our blog and in our printed publications. For more from Meghan, follow on Instagram @meghan_endahl.

Photograph by Cate Autumn Photography. Headshot provided by Meghan.

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