new desires are taking root...
Watching my son grow into his own person has brought me to an unexpected juncture. At forty, I’m revisiting the same childhood question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The ambitious career woman in me still whispers of achievements and accolades, while my heart leans into the deeper calling of motherhood that now shapes my days. It’s a crossroads I never anticipated—a tension between the drive that’s been woven into my life and the strong desire to fully embrace this season of nurturing and presence.
The hustle culture that once defined me still hums in the background. Its rhythm of more, better, bigger was the cadence that carried me through boardrooms and deadlines. But now, I’m learning to dance to a gentler beat—one that measures success in moments of connection and the beauty of being present.
New desires are beginning to take root. I’m immersing myself in the study of Scripture, cultivating community through local Bible study, and exploring ways to support my family that feel natural and meaningful. These aren’t smaller dreams—they’re deeper ones. The real challenge isn’t in choosing between ambition and family but in redefining what ambition looks like in this season of my life.
The answer becomes clear in the light of my son’s smile: the greatest return on investment isn’t found in dollars or accolades but in the foundations built at home. Every bedtime story, every shared prayer, every undivided moment—they’re the bricks of a legacy no professional milestone could ever replicate.
This isn’t about abandoning dreams or suppressing ambition. It’s about allowing those qualities to evolve and be channeled into something lasting and beautiful. The determination, creativity, and strategic thinking that once drove my career now find their highest purpose in building a home where faith thrives and love flourishes.
Perhaps wisdom lies not in resisting ambition but in redirecting it. The drive that once propelled me through the corporate world now fuels ministry. Leadership skills that managed projects now orchestrate the rhythms of family life. Strategic thinking now serves a higher purpose in fostering community and faith.
This crossroads isn’t a choice between two paths but an invitation to forge a new one—where professional instincts and maternal instincts work in harmony. Where the desire to achieve meets the call to nurture, creating something uniquely beautiful and enduring.
Yet, the way forward isn’t always clear. Even in ministry and faith-based work, old patterns resurface. The temptation to measure spiritual calling by business metrics, to replace prayer with marketing plans, reminds me how deeply ingrained those habits are. True growth, however, doesn’t stem from my strategies but from God’s providence. Perhaps the most revolutionary plan is simply this: to pray, to wait, and to trust that the One who calls is faithful to provide—in His time and His way.
The Proverbs 31 woman often feels like an unattainable ideal, especially when financial pressures weigh heavy. She buys fields and sells goods, while I wrestle with stepping back from being the primary breadwinner. But maybe I’ve misunderstood her story. Her endeavors weren’t detached from her home but woven into her family life. She wasn’t chasing success for success’s sake—she was stewarding resources to bless her household.
In this tug-of-war between heart and mind, between the pull of a traditional career and the desire to pour into home life, a third way is emerging. Maybe it’s not about choosing between provider or homemaker but about trusting in God’s unique provision for this season. The same God who inspired Proverbs 31 understands the complexities of modern mortgages and market economies. He sees the tears shed over career crossroads and hears the prayers whispered for clarity.
What if this season of paused employment is God’s gentle invitation to reset? To shift my focus from how I provide to how I receive His provision? His ways often defy my expectations, and the path He charts forward may look nothing like the steps I’ve known. Perhaps the deepest act of faith in this season is learning to steward His provision with gratitude and humility—trusting His timing, surrendering to His methods, and remaining steadfast in faith with whatever He places in my hands.
Bible References
Proverbs 31:10-31
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain…”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
Psalm 127:1-2
“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.”
Matthew 6:31-34
“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
1 Timothy 6:6-8
“But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.”
Philippians 4:19
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”